A journey of self-discovery

For my birthday, as a gift my brother very generously said I could buy whatever I wanted and he would pay. My limit was £1000. Isn't he just the best brother ever?!

My birthday was over a month ago now so I have put a lot of thought into what I wanted to get.

I have always wanted to buy a posh bag but have never been able to afford it. I went up to Leeds for the weekend and that was my opportunity to search out the perfect bag.

I fell in love with a 'raspberry' Mulberry bag. It's bright, shiny and the complete opposite of any other bag I own. A complete impulse buy. A very expensive impulse buy.

Now I feel guilty. I haven't really used it yet - which I thought I would. I think this is a symptom of my guilt.

I spoke to my mum last night and was talking about my bag. She said my brother had told her the price and she was going to buy me a glass case to put it in. I then asked her if she thought it was too extravagant. She replied "Well if it's what you want".

Her tone made it clear that she thought I had taken advantage of my brother's generousity and used his money frivolously.

I now feel even more guilty. I am on the verge of taking the bag back.

I am torn. On the one hand, I do love the bag but on the other hand I now hate myself for buying it.

In a moment of courage during the summer, I decided I would go to evening classes.  Firstly to meet people and secondly, to learn a new skill/hobby.  Inspired by my trip to Madrid, I decided to learn Spanish.

All seems to be going well so far.  My pronunciation is much to be desired but I am at least starting to learn something.  It is much more fun than I remember languages at school.

I have just come back from my spanish class feeling really low.  Previous weeks it has given me the opposite feeling.  I have missed a week which probably hasn't helped.  It was just a bit flat.

I have been feeling funny all day.  I only just about managed to drag myself out of bed this morning.  I could have laid there all day.  Tomorrow I have to be up early, so I expect it will take ages to get to sleep.  Perhaps a hot chocolate will help me relax.